AN AWESOME FUTURE WIFE

God has truly blessed me with a God fearing Christian woman. This is what she wrote on her myspace blog. I love you Julie Wayne.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Blessed beyond measure! Category: Romance and Relationships
As I sit here today posting a new blog, my heart is so full! Have you ever felt feelings that were just so big that you can't find words? Have you ever felt so blessed that all you can do is be still and quiet and say, "Thank you Lord"?
Well, that's where I am today and have been for the last few months, especially since Friday when my "best bud", the one who makes me laugh when I don't even want to smile, the one that has shown this woman (who used to think I had the "patience of Job") what patience, and tolerance really are, the one who calms me just by sitting by my side and holding my hand, proposed. Speechless? God bless him, he must have heard every second ticking on his watch because this "never has nothing to say about anything" woman could not get a word out........even the ONE WORD he was wanting to hear......LOL. Well, of course, I DID say "YES", but after what must have seemed like an eternal pause. I saw our friendship years ago, I saw the years apart, I saw the last nine months since we've been re-united all in a fast-forward blur and then I looked into the eyes of the man that I can't imagine not having by my side for the rest of my days. Love, gratitude, joy, happiness and that feeling of "everything is ok in my world when he's in it" came together in a ball that (for lack of other words) "short circuited" my brain......I couldn't cry, I couldn't laugh, I couldn't even speak. If he could have only read my thoughts in those moments, it may have made the wait for "Yes" more bearable.....LOL.
I have to give credit where it's due, though, because were it not for God, I wouldn't have the honor of being his "best bud", the one he chose to be by his side, the one he wants to spend the rest of his days with. After being told he was back "in town", I struggled for months with whether or not to contact him, I had lived such a life that I knew I had to be careful about my choices of WHO I allow to be a part of my life. I had heard of his struggles, as well, and tried to forget about contacting him not knowing "where he was" in regards to his struggles. It would work for a couple of months, but something (or Someone) would always bring his name back to mind. I prayed and prayed for guidance and finally just resolved to myself that there was a reason I couldn't put him out of my mind and felt the NEED to find him. If nothing else, just as support and friendship and to know that I may be able to reach out the understanding hand of someone who's been there and knows that kind of struggle. After several months of failing to find him, I finally tried MySpace. I thought it was kinda corny, but I figured, "what the heck, everything else has failed, I'll try this last effort" and it would have been my last effort. I didn't have any other way of knowing how to contact him or find him. I logged on, created a "quickie" profile (and for ME that's a BIG deal because I'm probably the most computer illiterate person I know....lol) and found him, and he was online, too. I thought, "Wow, ok.....Guess this is as big a sign as any" (lol), shot him a quick message and well, the rest is "history"...lol.
Seeing him that first time was like 22 years hadn't passed. Oh, we've both gotten older, alright.....lol......Him with some gray that wasn't there back then and well, all us girls know what happens to certain areas of our bodies after 2 kids and gravity (lol) but the friendship was back right where it left off.
We've not been without our share of struggles together either. We've had some chaos and craziness, alright! But the beautiful part of it is that regardless of what has come at us, and those closest to me know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.....(I mean I experienced evil in many forms including an es-husband, but this particular kind of evil we've had to endure has been by far the worst I've ever known especially coming from someone I don't even know....). But with every blow, every crazy, chaotic chapter, we've only grown stronger together. Taking the "moral high road" and looking for God's justice in this not our own.
Sounds a little mushy, gooshy, huh? (lol). I have to say that for years after my divorce, I resolved to never be a moosy, gooshy girly girl.....not that I ever really was, but I realized I had built a wall (or a FORT....lol) around my heart. No one was EVER going to hurt me again, because I was happy being alone (a tough place to get to, but still, I truly was). I resolved to myself that even in the Bible, it talks about how some people are just not meant to be married because their walk with God suffers when they are involved with someone on that personal a level and, boy, I could see where mine had and thought that it was just best that I not even think about it. All the while I knew in my heart that someday, I'd really like to be able to share my life with someone again but he would HAVE to be a Godly man! One who has a personal relationship with the Lord. When I got lonely, I talked to people, I tried to put that negative energy into reaching out to others. I poured myself into my relationship w/ those I had neglected for so many years like God, my daughter, my parents, and friends I had abandoned or neglected.
Something very special happens when you turn your will and life over to God's care. How many times had I tried to "make my life happen", make relationships be something they were never meant to be. I'd heard the example of what I had been doing in my life, best put this way "People coming into your life are like trees. Some people are leaves on that tree. They are only there for a season, but when the wind blows, they are gone. Some people are like the branches on that tree, they can weather a little wind but when the big storm comes along, the branch breaks and they are gone. The tree cannot survive without roots. Those are what gives that tree everything it needs to survive the storms, come what may. That tree may get snapped off in the middle but those roots are still there to see that it still gets everything it needs to flourish again. Nobody has to see the roots, nobody has to know what those roots gives that tree in order for it to live but that tree cannot survive without them."I didn't understand how important roots were until I allowed God to show me who was what and accept that in my life.
I thank God for not letting me forget him, because he has been such a blessing in my life. His walk with God is strong and it encourages me every day. We serve our Lord together and separately and support each other in those efforts. It's an amazing thing to have a God centered relationship with the one you can't imagine being without!

NEVER GIVE UP

JT